My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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