That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
