I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
