i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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