It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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