im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
