So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
