U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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