proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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