Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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