a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
someone owes me an orgasm
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
