A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
