sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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