my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So here I am, sexting at work.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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