I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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