Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
