I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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