Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize