dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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