i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
