He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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