You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
