if only i could text you this smell
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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