i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
