we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
