Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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