whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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