i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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