I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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