I can't watch pbs sober anymore
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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