Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize