she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
