Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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