We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
