Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
