What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
