I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
