I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
