Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I sprained my soul last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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