Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize