I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
