oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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