I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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