i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
