some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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