Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
