Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
