BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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