Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
