I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
