Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
