Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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