Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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