sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
