Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
