At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
