Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
