With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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