wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
