I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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