As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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