But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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