I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
