He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
