Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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