Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
