I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The air was thick with penises
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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