i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
