The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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