I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
