I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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