i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
