so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
