How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
