They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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