Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
