The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
