Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
