So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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