Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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