I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
