No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
