one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
