when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
